Tupac

All i wanted was some fish and chips.

Sunday night, tired from a sailing session at Green Point (with my new Combat Wave 5.0; wuvverly), and Mistress P arriving home from a 1-year old barfday party ("Im buggered!"), and all seemed right and dandy for a fish and chippy slap up feed.

"I can't eat flake now (shes preggas) - can you get me some whiting instead?"

No worries my dear.

Head on dow the chippie - which is actually a milk bar run by a nice but grossly overworked asian couple who at first had no idea but now make some of the best fish and chips (and hamburgers) i know of. This side of anywhere.

Walk in the door and out fromthe back walks the lady, scoffing down some dinner of her own.

"I'll have a 2-pack please, and..."
"PACK 2 PACK 2" she barked at me. (A "pack 2" is 2 flake, 2 dim sims, 2 potato cakes and a serve of chips. $10.50 Its not rocket science. Indeed, i always seem to call it a 2-pack, and this upsets her and her husband greatly when i have asked for such in the past.)

me: "Errr.. yes, a pack 2 please, but can one be without flake - whiting instead?"

her: "NO. Pack 2 only flake"

me: "Ok, well can i have a pack 2 with whiting, and i'll pay the difference"

her: "No, pack 2 only flake"

me: "You do have whiting dont you?"

her: "yes yes, whiting sure."

me: "Ok then, i just want the same as a pack 2, but can we just add 50c or something for a piece of whiting instead of flake?

her: "NO. Pack2 only flake."

me: "ok, ok.. well can i just buy all the same things as go into a pack 2, individually, but one pice flake and one piece whiting?"

her: "NO NO! No pack 2 with whiting only flake!"

me: "yes, i know, i understand."

I then looked up at the board to read what a pack 2 had in it. I then start to read it out...

me: "Alright... can i have 2 potato cakes, 2 dim sims, chips for 2 and 1 flake and 1 { ...almost there... come on come on.. we can do this} whiti... {oh oh, shes onto me... no no please no...}

her: "NO PACK 2 ONLY FLAKE!"

I was about to leap over the counter at this point and shove the bloody fish in the fryer myself. Plus flake woman for good measure. I think she sensed this.

her: "You get pack 1 {1 flake, i dim sim, i potato cake, chips} plus dim sim, plus potato cake plus whiting: $11.05"

me: "DONE!"

(And i bet you a lobster the flake wasnt flake anyways...)

The things we do for love. If not a preggas Mistress P.

Postscript: You know when you eat a really crusty roll for lunch and it kinda sandpapers the top of your mouth and then you eat something really salty (read soy sauce) and it burns the mouth cuts and destroys all the fun of eating something really salty fatty and altogether unhealthy enough to taste bloody great?? Bugger...